How To Play

The Rule is...there are no rules.
Play it however you want.
We call it a game but the only way to "lose" is to actually avoid the conversations you need and want to have about how to practice non monogamy in an honest and clear way that engenders clarity and safety.
Some ideas of how to use the decks:

Pull a card during a relationship check in.
Use the deck in a gathering of friends to discuss beliefs, thoughts and desires about relationships in general, or specifically about non monogamy.
As a couple or polycule, choose cards that help you navigate conversations so that everyone gets their needs met.
Play a few or many cards at a time. You decide what you need and what works best for you.

We have created "instructions" for beginning and advanced game play if you decide you want to follow something of a plan in approaching the game:

In beginning game play, the object is to give those newer to non monogamy a place to begin their inquiry. Use the Foundations Deck for solo reflection, or to start conversations about non monogamy with a current or new partner.

Use the Deep Dive Deck if you are already practicing non monogamy and need to create new agreements or change them. Even if you are not new to non monogamy it is still recommended you start with the Foundations deck before you move on to the Deep Dive Deck.

Here is a format you could use to begin:

Begin with the Foundations Deck before moving on to the Deep Dive Deck.
Shuffle and stack the deck of unplayed cards between the players. No specific order is needed.
Pull a card from the deck for the person to your right to answer.
Play continues to the right until each person has had a chance to answer the question.
Record any notes or agreements that arise from the round before moving on.

Here is a format you could use to take the conversation deeper:

In advanced game play, the object is to promote deeper exploration in order to create agreements based on mutual respect and understanding.
Answering these questions is meant to be provocative so take your time.
Be patient with yourself and each other in the creation of your agreements.

Choose a deck to begin with (we recommend starting with the Foundations Deck).
A card is drawn and read aloud. There will then be 4 rounds played for each card.
First, the player to the right of the card puller answers the card objectively.
Each player to their right answers the same question objectively until all players have answered.
Once the first round is complete, play continues in the same direction with the same card reflectively, then interpretively and then finally, decisionally. (See below)
Take notes and write down important details that allow you to make agreements.

Objective Round
Name:

objective information observable to all parties
your initial reaction or response to the question

Reflective Round
Identify:

sensations or feelings you noticed in your body
emotions that rise
associations, past experiences, beliefs or memories

Interpretive Round
Explore:

meaning or significance of the question for you
meaning or significance of the question as applied to your current relationship(s)

Decisional Round
Establish:

What does this all mean for us going forward?
Where is our common ground?
Where do I notice differences in experience or opinion affecting me and how?

Decide if at this point you're ready to come to any kind of relationship agreements from this round of questions.

If so, write the agreement down.
If not, what are the next steps? Are you okay being on different pages?
Is it a question you want to revisit later after more reflection?

The advanced game play is based on the ORID model, designed by the The Institute of Cultural Affairs and outlined in the book, The Art of Focused Conversation. It is a model used to help facilitate complex understanding in a group context on any topic.

Glossary

We made an effort to provide definitions for these terms when we developed this game. It's important to recognize that language continually evolves. If these definitions don't accurately represent your relationship, feel free to replace them with language that aligns more closely with your personal preferences and experiences.

Compersion: Compersion refers to the experience of joy and happiness when one's partner finds fulfillment and happiness in another relationship. It is often seen as the opposite of jealousy in the context of non-monogamous relationships.

Consensual Non-Monogamy: Consensual non-monogamy encompasses relationship structures where all involved partners are informed and willingly agree to some form of non-monogamous or non-exclusive relationship, which can involve relational, emotional, sexual, or nonsexual connections. This concept is also referred to as ethical non-monogamy.

Hierarchical Relationships: Hierarchical relationships involve prioritizing certain partnerships over others and granting them additional decision-making authority. This hierarchical arrangement is commonly established when individuals transition into polyamory while maintaining pre-existing primary partnerships.

Kitchen Table Polyamory: Kitchen Table Polyamory is a style of polyamorous relationships that emphasizes interconnectedness within a network of romantic relationships. It encourages close relationships between all metamours (partners of one's partner). The name reflects the idea that all members are interested in fostering a sense of unity and chosen family.

Metamour: A metamour is an individual who is in a relationship with one's partner's partner, reflecting the "beyond love" connection implied by the root "meta."

Nesting Partner: A nesting partner is someone with whom an individual shares a home or residence.

New Relationship Energy: New Relationship Energy (NRE) represents the excitement and euphoria experienced during the early stages of a new relationship. It is often attributed to the release of hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin.

Non-Hierarchical Relationships: Non-hierarchical relationships prioritize equal autonomy and status among all involved relationships, avoiding the practice of elevating one relationship over others. However, inherent hierarchies may still exist in situations like shared responsibilities with a partner who shares children or a home or has been in a relationship for an extended period.

Paramour: Paramour is an alternate term for one's partner, lover or love interest.

Partner: A partner is someone with whom an individual maintains a relationship. This relationship may be romantic but can be defined according to the preferences of those involved.

Polyamory: Polyamory is a relationship approach within non-monogamy where all partners or paramours are free to pursue multiple loving relationships. This relationship structure implies emotional connection and not just physical. The term is derived from the Greek "poly," meaning many, and the Latin "amor," meaning love. The configuration of polyamorous relationships can vary among individuals and groups.

Polycule: A polycule refers to a network of interconnected relationships. The term is a fusion of "poly" and "molecule," highlighting the diverse possible configurations within such networks.

Primary Relationship/Partner: In hierarchical setups, the primary relationship or partner is given top priority. Some individuals may have multiple primary partners, or they may allow for the possibility of additional primary-level relationships.

Secondary Relationship/Partner: Secondary relationships or partners are those that exist beyond the primary relationships in a hierarchical network. They often have to accept pre-existing rules or time constraints established by the primary relationship members.

Solo Polyamory: Solo polyamory is a form of polyamory in which an individual considers themselves their own "primary partner." They form connections without the assumption of progressing towards traditional relationship escalations and often choose to live separately from all partners.

Veto: A veto is a power granted to existing partners to terminate an additional relationship, typically during the early stages or, occasionally, at any point in time. This power is sometimes limited to specific situations or periods.